Future Days: Bianca Gonzalez

Posted by Jayvee at October 11th, 2009

Article by Mihk Vergara

It’s twenty-five years on after 1984. Some may argue that we’re already living in Orwell’s dystopia where ‘Big Brother’ is not so much watching us as we are watching everyone else. In fact, on some sites on the Internet you can pay for the pleasure of viewing images of a boot stamped on a human face―if not forever then at least until your credit runs out. But “doublethink” the situation and it isn’t all that bad: especially if it’s perhaps the lovely host of Pinoy Big Brother Bianca Gonzalez who’s watching and wearing those leather boots.

***

Bianca Gonzalez sits, her legs up on the chair with the rest of her. She talks about not wanting to get into acting, instead playing herself in the prolefeed’s Astig (an independent film produced by Boy Abunda and starring stars like Dennis Trillo and Sid Lucero) and why she’s home right now. She does this while eating.

He remembers quite vividly what it was like, before things changed for her. Before she joined showbiz and became a celebrity, before TV made all of us into Big Brother and allowed us to watch her.

It was a mundane group meeting for a class―one that he wanted over quickly. She stood across him, paying the meeting more attention than he ever would. He remembers looking up and seeing her. He thought she was wearing something totally hideous. But for whatever reason, at that particular instant, he couldn’t stop. He was staring at her, as much as he was staring through her. He knew then that something was amiss. Not something sinister or foreboding but rather something akin to forgetting. Something that felt like two different things occupying the same space. Maybe that was why he could not, for the life of him, stop staring.

That was five years ago.

Since then she has gone on to participate in many shows on the prolefeed. But it was her participation in Pinoy Big Brother: Celebrity Edition that would prove to be a turning point in her career. It made her into a household name―thrusting her into a spotlight she was seemingly destined for, but was probably unprepared to handle―and, as some may argue, it came at great personal cost.

I won’t say I regret anything. I wouldn’t be who I am today,” she tells him.

After that, she soon settled into the roles of host and presenter of the aforementioned show. Things since then have, as they say, been doubleplusgood. They afford her slow days like this one, where she gets to stay home.

This is where he finds himself now, engaging in small talk as he lets her finish her meal.

Again, he finds himself staring just as he did before. The same feeling comes back and greets him.

As she continues on her chicken dish, he, in a rare moment of clarity, realizes what was amiss all those years ago. She’s not talking with her mouth full. She can be polite in that regard but still have her her legs up on the chair. He is neither disgusted nor indifferent, but rather fascinated by the apparent coalescence of crass and cultivated, and how his mind was accepting two contradictory beliefs simultaneously in order to process the scene that played out before him. Doublethink.

I see you, it’s like I’m not in work mode. Parang wala lang: school,” she tells him.

He recalls that day five years ago. Was she really wearing something hideous? He is sure of it. Then, she had never caught his interest. But now―

She finishes her meal and folds the utensils, setting them atop the plate. She pushes it aside.

I answered a call at six am. It said everyone had to be on standby for coverage.”

At the start of her meal, he had asked her about politics, knowing that she hosted ‘Y Speak,’ a youth-oriented program that discusses current events. Eventually this led to thoughts about the late President Corazon Aquino.

She was heading for work, listening to DZMM when the news was filled with reports about her death, her legacy and just how tragic it all was. It was then that it finally hit her. “The whole drive from here to ABS I was getting coverage,” she recounts. “Nakakaiyak talaga.”

[For the complete article, check out the September '09 issue of UNO]