How to Stalk « UNO Magazine Online

How to Stalk

May 3, 2010

Footage from Arnold Arre’s Chapter 1 featuring Erwin Romulo and Gang Badoy

An article by Charles A. Tan, originally appearing in UNO Magazine’s November issue. Video footage is from Arnold Arre’s short film titled Chapter 1. In this scene, Gang Badoy from RockEd Radio interviews Erwin Romulo’s character on the art of stalking.

First off, what’s so bad about stalking?

Some people have an aversion to the word “stalker” which I attribute to Western media. Sensationalized in movies and TV is the enigmatic stranger—typically male—who manages to sneak into your room and then eventually slits your throat. But honestly, when was the last time you heard of a Filipino serial killer? Most of our residences have tall looming gates (to say nothing of private subdivisions and villages) to keep the unwanted out. Nowadays, the term has become quite ubiquitous, with both genders using it. “I have a stalker on Friendster,” a girl might say, giggling if the stalker is cute, sighing if it’s the nth time some stranger adds them to their list of contacts. Guys, on the other hand, might use euphemisms to disguise their actions: researching and networking come to mind.

But honestly, in this day and age of the Internet where people can easily search you via Google, look up your profile in Facebook, browse through your photo collection in Flicker, read your journals at Blogger, and get minute-by-minute updates of your daily activities via Twitter or Plurk, how can it be called stalking when all that information is voluntarily made public? No one’s forcing you to upload your moments of drunken revelry up at Multiply or to broadcast to the world what music you’re listening to while logged on at Livejournal or Yahoo Messenger.

ONLINE
The following tools can be used:

Google (Don’t tell me you’ve never Googled your name before!)
Google Alerts – Get notified when the words you specify (a keyword or someone’s name) pops up in the Internet.
Trackers – Services like StatCounter or SiteMeter allow you to look up various details (who, when, where, and how) of who’s visiting your site.
Whois IP Address – Services like http://cqcounter.com/whois/ enable you to track down various details like who their ISP or where they’re located. All you need is a domain name (the url) or their IP Address (which you can obtain via a tracker).
URL redirecters and Web Proxies – Services like TinyURL or Anonym.To lets you link to other sites without disclosing your website.

OLD SCHOOL?

Ear Phones – You’d be surprise what you might overhear when people think you’re not listening.
A Tape Recorder – So that you can record whatever it is you’re not supposed to hear. Goes quite well with #1.
Comfortable Shoes – People tend to notice you’re following them either via sound or via shadows. If you can walk without making a sound and know the angles to avoid, you can easily trail someone without them knowing.
Credit Card – Didn’t anyone in high school teach you how to break into locked rooms?
Cellphone with Camera – Digital cameras aren’t ubiquitous but cellphones are.

EVERYONE’S A STALKER THESE DAYS…

And guess what, everyone’s contributing to the phenomenon. Your company does a routine background check and even Googles your name just to check you’re not badmouthing them or their clients in your blog (especially not on company time). Your significant other (or potential suitor) might trace your electronic trail of ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends as well as eagerly patrolling your social network profile (why just the other day, someone found out their boyfriend broke up with them when he changed his status to single at Facebook). The very blogs you read or the friends you sent invites to certainly didn’t pop out of nowhere and necessitated some stalking tactics. Let’s not forget reality TV–we’re all voyeurs when it comes to Big Brother, which seems like an amalgam between the horrors of George Orwell and William Gibson—or *gasp* politics (Hello Garci).

REMAINING IN THE SHADOWS

The art of stalking is ultimately counter-productive, much like the ouroboros eating its own tail. To be a true stalker after all is to remain invisible and undetected. No stalker succeeds however and they eventually succumb to the temptation of sending the other party an “anonymous” text message, email, blog comment, or friend invite. And what happens to the stalker who never contacts their quarry? Are they satisfied masturbating to a Photoshopped photograph? Are they content in reading about their crush’s exploits but never talking to them? It honestly isn’t stalking if the other person doesn’t know you’re around (for one thing, they don’t know they should be mad at you).

TELLING THE TRUTH

The alternative of course is to come clean. You tell them you’re a stalker. They’ll think you’re being cute if you’re attractive. Otherwise you’re simply an annoyance beneath their notice. Just look at Google. Everyone knows they know every term you’ve searched, every website you’ve visited, and even the contents of your email for Gmail users. Does that stop you from using their services or buying stocks in their company? Welcome to stalking in the 21st century!