Varekai in Manila

So UNO’s France Pinzon got to watch the 7:30 p.m. schedule of Varekai last Saturday, at the Cirque’s Big Top Tent at Quirino Grandstand, Rizal Park. While she claims that it’s truly a must-see spectacle, she’s also realized just how much this kind of performance art is still under-appreciated here in our country today.

Anyway, with all things said and stared at, here are five other realizations this editor’s been moved to point out after witnessing the much-praised event:

1. If you think you’re flexible, whether literally or figuratively speaking, wait ’til you see this group of flexible entertainers–one dramatically contorts her body into the size of a toaster (not really, but highly possible), while a physically disadvantaged dancer performs his whole number magnificently on crutches.

2. I have come to believe that here in our little known world, there roam people blessed with super-hero powers, only, they’re disguised as world-class athletes, rocket scientists, leaders of intelligence groups and the Cirque du Soleil.

3. Prepare your hands for some serious clapping spree, which happens to be every five seconds all throughout the show. If you’re not the clapping type, you’ll still feel compelled to nod or shake your head in awe and disbelief with all the stunts, routines and riveting visual-gasmic costumes. At the end, get your feet working and give the much-deserved standing-O. We did.

4. Don’t bother using your camera. Not only is it not allowed to take pictures while the show is ongoing, but you might miss a magnificent performance, instead of actually capture it,  if you do. (Hello, no safety harnesses and nets?) And it’s always best to simply be there to take all the once-in-a-lifetime experience in.

5. Cirque du Soleil should definitely come back here.

Varekai in Manila has been extended and will run until July 24th. Bring your date and your parents along, too.

A Quarter-Inch of Shadow

Words and Photographs by Patricia Evangelista

DIRECTOR PAOLO VILLALUNA’S LUCKY T-SHIRT, THE NUANCES OF BALL-SHAVING, AND LOVI POE IN TEARS:
THIS IS NOT A STORY ABOUT THE MAKING OF A FILM

I met him on Good Friday, over a year ago. There were studs at the corner of his left eyebrow, and a pixie tattooed at the side of his neck. He paid for my fudge sundae, spent several long hours evaluating the sexual performances of his various exes, and told me quite frankly that my nose was not cinematic. He also had what looked like a footprint smudged into the back of his T-shirt. Read more…

Happy birthday, #11!

Happy birthday to Azkals team captain, Aly Borromeo!

Photo by Joyce Romero

Catch the PH Booters as they try to win it against Sri Lanka, in Colombo, Sri Lanka, on June 29th (1st leg), and here in Manila, on July 3rd (2nd leg). The WCQ matches air live on Studio 23.

The Miseducation of Maggie Wilson

by Dexter Canete

BACOLOD-BORN BEAUTY AND INSANELY POPULAR TV PERSONALITY MAGGIE WILSON TALKS ABOUT GROWING UP AND
STAYING WILD

It took around four years for Margaret Nales Wilson to learn how to become a star. While other girls her age went off to college and earned diplomas to be nurses, accountants or pre-school teachers, she was going through her own education, from sporadic neophyte appearances to a popular reign as a beauty queen.

Today, Maggie is a tough and smart 20-year-old who also happens to be one of the country’s most popular TV personalities. Although her age presupposes a bit of brashness on her part, it’s with the voice of someone with experience that she admits that being occasionally crazy has served her well. For example, ignoring age requirements.

AGE IS ONLY A NUMBER

“It was kinda cool because they hired me without even asking me to do an audition,” Maggie says. When she first joined the MTV VJ Hunt, she didn’t get the job because she was then only 15, three years short of the minimum age requirement.

But the executives liked her so much that when she was about to turn 18, they called her and offered her the job.

Now on her third year with the music channel, she reveals that it hardly feels like work. “I love it. Seriously,” she asserts, as if saying, What’s not to love? She gets paid to go to concerts, parties and all sorts of events around the country. Needless to say, she hopes to still be doing this gig for at least a couple more years.

INDEPENDENT WOMAN

Maggie was born in Bacolod. But only after a few months of her birth, her family moved to Saudi Arabia. They lived there for 13 years.

She then moved back to the country with her sister. “I lived with her for two years,” she says, “and then she moved to Dubai.”

“I started living on my own when I was 16.”  Not only did she start living without adult supervision, she also started supporting herself financially through modeling and shows with GMA Network. “I was scared because I didn’t know how to handle my income,” she admits. “Eventually I got the hang of it. I basically learned the value of working hard to earn.”

“I also learned how to cook,” she smiles.

TATTOO YOU

“I didn’t wanna join at all.”

Maggie admits that she was hesitant, to say the least, about joining the 2007 Bb. Pilipinas pageant. In fact she gave up three times before finally acquiescing. “The idea was my manager’s,” she says. “I felt it wasn’t me. I felt like I was just gonna put on an act for everyone else.”

“I only did it for my mom, my parents and my manager,” she says. “They really, really wanted me to.”

Of course, it didn’t come as a surprise to them when she won. Her reaction: to get a tattoo as soon as she could.

“As soon as I got back from China, from the Miss World, I got the one on my neck,” she says, “I was supposed to get it before. But [the organizers] begged me to do it after.” After getting inked a mere two months after the pageant, she admits that one was far from enough.  ‘They’re so addictive. I have six tattoos,” says Maggie, “I already have designs for my next one.”

WILD AT HEART

With her job practically giving her an all-access pass to concerts and gigs, Maggie got exposed to the local rock scene and, well, rock stars.  “Rock stars were interesting—different lifestyle,” she says. “I learned to drink beer and be a cowboy.” Although she admits she’s dated a few of them, she now says that she has sworn them off. “They’re artists. They have their moods.”

That doesn’t mean she hates them, stresses Maggie. For now, she says she’d like to date guys with “different occupations” and “different likes.” (She laughs at the latter remark.)

Still, she admits that she hasn’t quite learned how to stop going for bad boys. “I still can’t kick off that little crazy side of me.”

She’s mellowed down a lot though. Maggie says: “I’m more responsible now. Now that I’m more mature.” She even sees herself as getting married eventually and starting a family of her own. “I think every person should be with someone—I honestly think that.”

“And I wanna have a baby, spread the genes.’”

Originally published in UNO June 2009 issue

TRANSFORMER

by Erwin Romulo

IN THIS MIDST OF THE MARKETING MADNESS, DEPRAVED CATTINESS AND PSEUDO-SEXUAL HIPSTERS OF THE FASHION WORLD, CELINE LOPEZ STANDS APART FROM EVERYONE AS A TRUE ORIGINAL: A CLASS ACT WHO KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT TO WEAR TO ALL TOMORROW’S PARTIES.

“Evil is organic. The fight against it is what makes us human.” Celine Lopez has just come back from Delhi. Meeting up with her, it isn’t long—five minutes probably—before the conversation turns to the usual things: sickness, art, politics, fascists, Bowie, pornography, and the devil. The dark stuff. The remark was her answer to the question of whether she thought evil existed. It seemed apt only because it was also posed to both Barack Obama and John McCain during the last US election. If it was good enough for presidential candidates, then it was good enough to ask Celine. In fact, for the brevity and wit alone, she gets my vote.

We’ve known each other for several years now, actually. Both of us had columns in The Philippine Star: she was its new rising star, and I was its resident ogre. She wrote about fashion and going out while I styled myself a hoodlum critic. While she was (I imagined) hobnobbing, I was busy cultivating my being a snob.

I disliked her, of course.

In the office, we would stay at opposite ends. I don’t know if she ever noticed me then but I sure as hell noticed her. Effortlessly chic and pretty, she charmed everyone and everyone laughed at her jokes, including one editor who never said a word or gave a smile to me in the almost 10 years we worked alongside each other. God, I hated her then.

“Clothing has such a strong impact on who you are,” Celine tells me as she’s preparing for the shoot.

I mention to her the Black Pope a.k.a. Anton LaVey’s comment about the association of Nazism and fascism with Satanism—that it is aesthetic more than anything else. To elucidate, LaVey mentions meeting a Jewish girl wearing a long coat, “unmistakably a Nazi artifact.” He acknowledges that the two are irreconcilable psychologically “but on an aesthetic level they were understandable.”

Celine and I being David Bowie fans, I also tell her that the singer once claimed Hitler was the “first superstar” on the basis of aesthetics alone.

To this, she replies: “I think that when the Mitford sister [Diana], who was a sympathizer, voiced her support of Nazi Germany, her clothing caused an even greater impact than her actual beliefs. When Prince Harry wore a Nazi costume for Halloween, not only was it atrocious but also a telling sign of his vast ignorance.  [Your clothing] says a lot about you and what you value in the real world, and how much you value history and its lessons.”

Then, is there supposed to be a moral in fashion? Or do silver boots have a happy ending?

“Purchase what you like. But don’t make it the end point of your existence.”

“There was a time when bags cost a small fortune,” says Celine. “I admit that there were times I acquired such things with the sole intent of just owning them. However, with times being hard plus the awareness that one’s closet does not equate to one’s self-esteem, I think there is a thing such as too much. I adore my classic or ‘forever’ pieces, and plan to pass them on to my daughter. However, just to buy a feathered shoe because Vogue says so can be a little corrupting.

“You deserve lovely things but in this world, there are things that are far more edifying than just a designer bag. I think it adds more value when you actually deserve to own such a beautiful piece.”

Celine adds: “Don’t get me wrong. I do love beautiful things, but it’s the greed aspect that takes the beauty away. When people notice the Birkin and not you, there is something wrong. Chanel is a personal favorite, but it’s a milestone thing, not a daily meal.”

She tells me that she “used to spend copious amounts of money on trendy things” simply because “they made me feel good.”

Like?

“Well, ridiculous amounts of money on caviar and haircuts… What a jerk I was.”

I react to this comment with a smile, which she’s gracious enough to accept. She smiles too.

“The truth is [that] it was a cover to my many insecurities as a young woman,” she continues, “I just feel if you try to cover up your sins with distracting clothing—meaning labels—for the sake of it and not for any design purpose, once again, something is wrong.”

“But if silver boots work, then you deserve an award.”

Apart from the doom and gloom, I manage to compliment her about how beautiful she’s looking these days, which she attributes to just gaining some weight.

She reminds me how we first met. Kinda.

“We’ve come a long way from Godard,” says Celine.

Although it’s embarrassing to admit now, I initiated first contact by writing her a note—a nasty one. Not a fan of her columns (which meant I read them religiously) I was ecstatic when I spotted a typo. She had spelled the last name of Jean Luc Godard as “Goddard.” Immediately, I sent her a note admonishing her for such an awful oversight. (In my defense I was younger then, and it was so long ago I didn’t even have an email account.) To her credit she never responded and even managed to give a smile when we’d see each other.

It made me sick.

Right now, we’re supposed to be discussing possibly writing a movie for a director friend of ours. (We have not started so I can’t say really anything about that.) And right now he’s late, so it’s just us.

“I have never been so at ease with my mind, body… and stomach,” she says over coffee and macaroons. “When I was younger I had to cut out carbs, sugar, and fat—all the good stuff. Now, I just eat what I want.”

“I decided to stop drinking for life. It was just one of those days I decided to stop being a cliché. I was getting to be a little bit of a spectacle, slurring while I made speeches and doing all these ridiculous things.”

“I can’t beat myself up about it though,” she adds. “In hindsight I didn’t really cause much damage. I got to know myself better.”

Her current style reflects her current state-of-mind. “I think the way I dress now is simpler,” says Celine. “I have learned to dress for comfort while at the same time nurturing my love for design, without being swayed by the bellwether of hip. It is all about knowing yourself, and translating who you are to what you wear. ”

I tell her I still like wearing my ratty punk shirts from years ago. No matter what, I certainly can’t be accused of being hip. Plus, I only wear shirts of bands I listen to. At the moment, that’s mostly all kinds of metal—hardcore stuff.

Did she ever like that kind of music? Not just listened, but also actually liked?

“I loved Guns N’ Roses, Metallica and, yes, Judas Priest, but they didn’t love me back,” laughs Celine. “I wore Perry Ellis grunge… poser.”

How about all the leather gear—the bondage stuff those bands wore on stage?

“Yes, but [on me] it never comes across as vixen. More like cave girl,” she says. “I remember having a party as a high school freshman. I wore a leather dress with five-inch bespoke T-strap shoes. I loved that dress, but again, I don’t think the feeling was mutual. I’m more Bam-Bam than Angelina, unfortunately.”

Her mother had a rule that she could wear no black until she was old enough. Everything else was okay. “My mom figured that I should just do all these silly things to dull the luster of taboo—so I wouldn’t be so curious and get myself into bigger trouble at a far more significant [and less forgivable] age.”

“I think I had already taken my first cigarette puff from one of my older cousins when black was legitimized in my wardrobe.”

In high school, Celine remembers that she was always admonished for having such a long skirt. “Whereas all the cool girls found reasons to keep them short and not get expelled.”

She does admit to an obsession with Aeon Flux, the title character of an animated series from the ‘90s, whose image and costume owes more to Irving and Paula Klaw’s bondage photographs of Bettie Page than any of Flux’s cartoon predecessors.  “That’s the reason I had slicked back hair,” says Celine. “I even brought a photo of Aeon Flux to the salon Architects and Heroes in San Francisco twelve years ago saying, ‘I want her hair.’ If I can’t do the leather dress thing, I might as well settle for the hair. I even had subtle blue streaks.”

“I went through many phases,” she admits. “A lady of the night from Dorchester being the seemingly longest phase, full of tarty costumes and exuberantly high heels. I guess I assume a role when I go through them.”

Anything you really regret?

“I try to forget what I was doing when I was in my Dolly Parton-sans-tits phase. Loads of reprehensible things, I reckon. Thank heavens for my goldfish memory.”

Often, Celine describes herself as a “goldfish,” alluding to the oft-cited factoid that they are supposed to have extremely short memories. (Which isn’t exactly true, by the way, but I don’t tell her.) She says it is this quality that has helped her get through many a wayward choice, fashion or otherwise. Certainly, it helped her survive being the high society “It Girl” for a couple of years—and its subsequent vilifications. “I can’t believe the roar that was my twenties.”

(In a previous interview we did for the Philippine Tatler, she told me that, “I may not be the life of the party anymore, but at least I remember the party,” and described her twenties as a “run-on sentence.”)

However, if she’s forgotten much, she can always read her column to remind her. Coming out weekly in the Philippine Star, “From Coffee to Cocktails” proved popular among the broadsheet’s readers. So much so that they were collected into book form and published by Anvil. It was a surprise only to the author that it became an instant bestseller.

“I landed the coolest job ever,” says Celine, about being a columnist in a major daily while still in school. She credits lifestyle editor Millet Mananquil for giving her the opportunity as well as being her mentor especially during those first years. “I’m so lucky to have her in my life.”

That doesn’t mean she isn’t embarrassed by some of the things that she put out in her column. After all, she’s been writing it every week for several years. (Of all the rumors about her, the one about her having a ghostwriter was the only one she wishes were true. “Then I would have someone else to blame for some of the crazy things I wrote,” she says. “I swear if I did have one, my articles would be so much better than that. I would hear people claiming to be my ghostwriters and I would be like, ‘Are you crazy?’ It’s like owning up to the Michael Vick scandal. Milli Vanilli it is not.”)

“It’s ironic I was known for dressing up,” says Celine. “Yet in my articles I was completely naked. Looking back, I feel I revealed too much for everyone’s comfort levels. Knowing is enough. You don’t have to prove that you know. What you do with what you know defines the kind of person that you are.

“The art of shutting up is grand.”

Going through her more recent columns in the papers, it’s obvious that her writing hasn’t become less naked, or chaste. It’s more that her talent is not as raw. In fact, the bare confessional has developed into captivating burlesque—the metaphors serving to heighten rather than obscure bold truths. In fact, reading her is like being invited out to lunch at a chic restaurant frequented by a clientele of “ladies-who-lunch” and noticing that everyone is in the nude. To quote Beat novelist and Naked Lunch author William Burroughs quoting Kerouac, it’s about that “frozen moment when everyone sees what is on the end of every fork.”

In one particular column, she wrote that the nuclear family has now been replaced by a “nuclear lifestyle,” referring to a state of “having everything and being incredibly boring.” She explains that always being unsatisfied is intriguing—“curiously unsatisfied, more specifically”—and adding, “Nothing is more tragic than seeing a self-satisfied fart.”

“I can be quite the Willy Wonka for words,” she admits, especially when it comes to fashion. (For example, she once did a profile of local designer Dennis Lustico, writing that his necklines could make “even Salvador Dali vertiginous.”) But she parries that by explaining it’s all about showcasing and pushing what she feels the Filipino market should be aware of. Every turn-of-phrase always has the perfect occasion to be paraded, no matter if it might be a little purple.

For that express purpose, she also co-founded and acts as creative director for YStyle. Started in 2002, the weekly section for The Philippine Star helped kick-start the careers of local fashion designers like Patty Eustaquio, Puey Quiñones, and Yvonne Quisumbing as well as photographers such as Mark Nicdao and Juan Caguicla—not to mention numerous stylists, makeup artists, and models. But Celine isn’t keen on taking credit for the successes of YStyle.

In fact, that’s how we became friends. Despite all the hate letters and remarks I made against her, she asked me to write for YStyle. She’d been reading me too, apparently. Despite everything, she wanted me to work with her. (That’s why I know she doesn’t have a ghostwriter, folks.) In fact, she made me produce the fashion show and event to celebrate YStyle’s 3rd Year.

“It’s always been a team effort,” says Celine, pointing also to her co-editors for the section. “YStyle is all about Bea Ledesma, Anna Kalaw, and Audrey Carpio. Their different views keep the section interesting. They are some of the most intelligent girls I have ever met.” She again points to Mananquil as being key to why it’s become what it is.

“It is actually a hard and tedious job, but working with great talent makes it worth it,” she says. “It’s not as shallow as it seems.”

“Being in the fashion industry by way of media means pushing things to make people aware that they have choices,” she tells me. “We started YStyle as a platform for young fashion talent to show their stuff even if they are not connected.”

As a fashion journalist, Celine says that she’s seen a sea change in how Manila treats and uses fashion. “It’s gotten very expressive,” she says, “I can see loads of individual looks more and more each day although It has always been experimental and fun. It only depends when you care to see it.”

What does she consider bad taste?

“People who chew gum at dinner. You can interpret that in a hundred different ways.”

In these times, why the hell do we need fashion?

“To keep our dignity.”

Of all the celebrities and style superstars she’s encountered, Celine cites her mom as the most stylish person she’s ever met. “She knows who she is,” she explains.

What’s her mother’s take on her daughter’s style choices?

“I’m in what my mother calls, my ‘slumdog’ phase… wearing loads of harem pants, tanks, and beaded tops, with sloppy hair and makeup,” says Celine. “These days I’m much more laid back.”

Is this newly found ease the reason why she’s more open to things like appearing in a men’s lifestyle magazine? Or other things like, as she famously declared, wearing red lipstick when you hit 30?

“There are certain things that grow with age, one of them the ability to wear red lipstick, and let gravity do the defying,” says Celine. “I would have also never done this kind of shoot in my twenties because I was more awkward if that was at all possible. I think I just hit puberty now. I’m a late bloomer. I like getting older. The confidence it brings is so much more authentic and the experiences more original.”

According to Celine, these days, her greatest extravagances are traveling and books. She says, “Seeing the world with your own and someone else’s eyes is a great gift.”

“I’m also dating a very laid back guy, which makes me relaxed but not so sloppily so,” she says. “Spending time in India has also made me very non-label conscious. I want things that are unique and well done. India is full of that.”

Because of this, she also says that she’s reverted back to the classics as well as her vintage roots. “I discovered a beautiful vintage parlor in Paris, and the coats and purses enthralled me,” says Celine. “Also, my pearl, turquoise or diamond stud, and my favorite Cartier Pasha ring which is rich in historic value.”

She also mentions an Yves Saint Laurent cocktail ring she bought in London during a particularly nasty hailstorm. “I had to seek refuge at the boutique until the weather calmed down,” she relates. “I bought one for myself and one for Wendy [Puyat]. We call them our freedom rings. They remind of us how far we’ve come as best friends. They [the rings] are the chic versions of friendship bracelets.”

“I was career-oriented at such an early age that I forgot to be a kid. Now, I’m focusing more on my personal life. I’m spending and relishing time with my parents; seeing the world; learning from my friends and falling in love for the first time, and it’s not with Veuve Clicquot. I love this sort of self-mastery I am beginning to have… it only comes with age. I have gone through loads of shit that people can’t even invent, but it’s only in white-knuckling the mediocre and facing more pressing issues that you truly age well. I can’t wait for my forties!”

“So, what’s next?” I ask her. “After all we’ve done together,” I hurriedly add.

“You tell me, I’ll do it.”

Originally published in UNO June 2009 issue

PARKOUR PHILIPPINES

By Tim Tayag

Slightly disgruntled UNO contributor risks life and limb to bring you a first-hand account of the parkour experience.

I got the most entertaining workout in decades. And it beats those typical physical fitness programs like body combat, hip-hop abs, and Cindy Kurleto’s Sensual Aerobics. (Whatever happened to her?)

When my editor asked me to try out this thing called “parkour,” I asked 3 questions: “Isn’t that dangerous?,” “Are UNO writers insured?,” and “Does this mean I get a salary increase for hazard pay?” My editor answered with a resounding “NO!” to all my questions, not surprisingly since I still haven’t even received my complimentary copy of this magazine that I write and risk my limb for (better to have a dangling preposition than a dangling appendage).  But because of my undying loyalty to my editor and this glossy, I agreed to do it with the condition that I be given time to spend with my family before the ordeal and a bag of morphine for the aftermath.

If you’re not familiar with parkour, watch the opening scene of Casino Royale, wherein James Bond chases this guy (Sebastian Foucan) across shanties, a jungle, buildings, scaffoldings, elevators and other imposing obstacles. Parkour, which originated in France (hence the French sounding name), is the art of moving from point A to point B in the most efficient and quickest way, without the use of cars, skateboards, a credit card, or a Batman utility belt. You just use your God-given body to clear walls, trees, ledges, stairs, rocks, buses, security guards, mothers-in-law, ex-girlfriends who still owe you money, real estate agents handing out flyers and whatever gets in your way.

As serendipity would have it, I happen to know one of the members of Parkour Philippines, which saved me a trip to France (once again, saving UNO from expenses). I set up an appointment with Alvin Teng, one of the more outspoken “traceurs” (the term for parkour practitioners), and he was more than willing to oblige since he owed me for some romantic favors (that’s another story I won’t get into at this time). So I met Alvin and the Chipmunks (I say that endearingly since they have the same leaping abilities and agility of these critters) on an early Saturday morning, at least by my standards. He introduced me to some of the members of Parkour Philippines—Bruno, Macky, Dead Zombie Guy, and the rest.

The first thing I noticed was how much the group emphasized the fundamentals and safety.  The second thing I observed was the impressive number of joggers, Thai kickboxers, aerobicisers, and beauty pageant contestants at Quezon City Memorial Circle at such an ungodly hour. The group started out with a quick run followed by some stretching, which already broke me into a sweat and some internal cursing audible only to my supplemental cameraman Mihk, a fellow slightly disgruntled UNO contributor.

The initial parkour drill we executed was the quadrupedal movement, which is like horizontal wall climbing. Basically, you walk with your feet and hands while trying to keep your butt low to the ground so that your center of gravity is lower. This exercise is easier said than done as I felt the soreness of my hamstrings and butt for the next couple of days. This quadrupedal move is useful for balancing your body when you have to cross narrow paths such as ledges, bars, a successful comeback in showbiz, and prison fences.

The other fundamental movement we performed was the precision. Precision is a jump from one object to another precise spot, without falling. It may be executed either from a static position or while moving. We practiced jumping on the push-up bars, which were low enough so nobody would have to break any bones or egos. The trick here is to jump parabolically (like the golden arches and not in the biblical sense) to stop your momentum from pushing you over the edge when you land on the specified spot. This movement is used when one has to jump onto a very small spot, like from a building onto the top of a wall or windowsill.

The traceurs were so disciplined with the drills that they had a self-imposed punishment for every mistake they committed—twenty push-ups—which is still merciful compared to Singaporeans who resort to caning for the smallest infraction, like smuggling Chiclets in your luggage. The emphasis on the foundations is for the safety and the well-being of each individual. The misconception about parkour is that it’s all about glamour and flashiness.  People only see the incredible jumps, fancy flips, and superhuman stunts, but what they don’t see are the years of training, practice, hardening of the bones, and crying in the locker room for not making the cut in “France’s Next Top Traceur.”

After teaching me a few of the fundamentals, the group showed me the fun part, the actual application of the movements. We started off at the Big Books, a playground made up of huge books made of cement and torment. As I impressed the group with my “cat leaps” and “muscle ups” on the gigantic concrete books, I felt that same sense of invincibility from when I was 12 and I could run like the wind and climb guava trees without worrying about my ankles and medical insurance. To the innocent onlookers, I probably looked more like a deranged monkey trying to imitate Spider-Man followed by a paparazzi of two.

We moved on to another part of the park, where the group could perform the other moves such as the “kongs” and the “vaults.” They jumped over tables and slid under handrails with the speed of Jet Li and the grace of Jackie Chan. This is when I switched from being a participant to an observer, which was a wise move since my spirit was willing but my 30(plus) year-old body wasn’t quite as able. I let the young ones enjoy their unbounded energy, incredible agility, and solid core muscles, while I kept a lookout for security guards that could foil our fun.
In the end, I managed to minimize my injuries to a banged right knee and overstrained hamstrings and self-esteem, but I still overcame the obstacles, both physical and mental.  After the adrenaline and machismo wore off, reality and pain set in.

No, I will never be a David Belle. But it was still worth it because I got the most entertaining workout in decades. And it beats those typical physical fitness programs like body combat, hip-hop abs, and Cindy Kurleto’s Sensual Aerobics. (Whatever happened to her?)

PARKOUR FACTS
The origin of parkour is largely credited to a French man named David Belle, who has a background in military training, gymnastics, climbing, and martial arts. The word “parkour” is derived from “parcours du combatant”, which is the obstacle course used in military training.

BASIC MOVEMENTS

• CAT LEAP – jumping and landing on a wall or obstacle in a crouched hanging position, with hands gripping the top edge of the obstacle.
• MUSCLE UP OR CLIMB UP – pushing the body upwards from a crouched hanging position to clear the obstacle.
• WALL JUMP – stepping off a wall in order to overcome another obstacle or gain height to grab something.
• KONG VAULT – diving forward over an obstacle, such as a table, so that the body becomes horizontal, pushing off with the hands and tucking the legs, such that the body is brought back to a vertical position, ready to land.
• ROLL – used to soften the blow of a jump. When the traceur hits the ground, the body rolls forward where the hands, arms, and diagonal of the back contact the ground to break the fall.

Parkour is different from freerunning. Parkour focuses more on efficiency, avoiding injuries, and traveling in the most direct route possible, while freerunning focuses more on free movement and creativity.

You can contact Parkour Philippines through their hotline at 583-4290. They have free workshops, just don’t call it free running.  That’s a different animal altogether.

Visit the Parkour Philippines website at  www.pkph.net and www.pkph.multiply.com.

The author is not liable for any bodily injuries you may sustain during your parkour practice.

Originally published in UNO June 2009 issue

Eight Years and Onwards

Here at UNO magazine, we basically get paid to enjoy ourselves. Make no mistake, it is a job, and not an easy one at that: what with all the setbacks, drawbacks, unforeseen reversals, late nights, last-minute disasters, and just typical day-to-day difficulties of putting out a worthwhile monthly print magazine, sometimes we work so hard at this that our pets don’t recognize us any more and our personal hygiene suffers (I won’t name names).
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HOW TO WIN AN ELECTION

by  Ricky Carandang as told to Erwin Romulo

IF YOU’RE RUNNING FOR PUBLIC OFFICE…
The first thing you need is a lot of money. This is what I’ve heard. Assuming you don’t get the votes, then you have to figure out a way to manufacture them. Some of it might be considered improper or unethical, but not necessarily illegal. Well, some of it is plainly illegal, but most of it is in a sort of grey area.

People tell me that local elections actually have a lot more integrity than the national because they’re so closely fought. If you’re a national candidate, you’ll also end up depending on these local guys to bring in the votes and guard them. They basically run the elections—manage the elections in their municipalities on behalf of their candidates, watching each other like a hawk, knowing everybody around. These informal checks and balances on the local level are much more effective. But these guys are gonna be fighting for themselves, you’re secondary if you’re a national candidate. Their concern for you is secondary to their own election. So chances are, they tend not to watch your votes as closely.

WHO GETS PAID?
When I was in Lanao del Sur in 2007, we went to a school where people were being handed out envelopes. I opened one of the envelopes and there was like, 20 bucks. And I found out later on that that was for someone running for the barangay council. I suppose it varies from place to place, and probably increases exponentially depending on the position. In Quezon City or Makati perhaps, the price would probably be a lot different.

WHAT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO CHEAT?
Someone told me that the kind of methods you would employ to guard your votes are the same methods you would use to cheat. Meaning, you would have to pay the same people more or less the same amount to cheat as you would for them to just prevent the other guy from cheating. “Wag kayong magdagdag, wag lang kayo pumayag na magbawas.”

I talked to a candidate known for his integrity. He’s retired now, but during his entire public career no one has ever questioned his honesty. When he was running, his people were telling him, “We don’t want to cheat but you have to at least let us guard your votes.”

Whether you want to cheat or not, you may have no choice but to engage into some form of illegal activity. Even if you want to be honest, you cannot. Because the other guy will not be honest.

BUT AREN’T YOU ONLY ALLOWED TO SPEND SO MUCH…
No one follows that, I’ve heard. Obviously they’ll submit reports that will show that they did. But the truth of the matter is that no one observes election spending limits. On that alone, everybody should be disqualified.

HOW DO YOU CHEAT?
Presumably, the first step is to manipulate the result and, number two, is providing the public plausible explanations for your victory. A year before the elections you have to start paying the people to fix the surveys. You wanna be smooth about it. Because, obviously you can’t come out o f nowhere and all of a sudden become the winner. The public won’t believe it and the public trusts the surveys. So you have to find a way so that there’s a natural progression of your approval in the surveys. That way you are providing the premise for an acceptable victory. Then, you engineer a failure of elections.

HOW DO YOU FIX A SURVEY?
According to some people, you find out where they are going to do the survey. You go there ahead of them and you bribe the barangay. “Here’s a sack of rice from a particular candidate.” Even using generally accepted polling methods, during that survey more people would then mention that candidate’s name. Gradually you’ll see the numbers of that person rise in the polls. You can’t be too early of course. The smooth operator would know how to create a gradual progression that lays the ground for a plausible victory.

HOW DO YOU ENGINEER A FAILURE OF ELECTIONS?
There’s a variety of ways to engineer a failure of elections. Massive power outages on the day itself and documents are lost during the outage. Or intimidation of election officers to make sure that they don’t show up. You can also instigate violence in a certain area, which will require the postponement of the elections.

WHAT DO YOU DO NEXT?
You can buy official election documents. You can bribe the Comelec, the people in the printing office or whatever—and you buy them. At least that’s what people say. We saw that in 2004 and we saw a continuation of that in 2007. Based on personal experience, in Lanao for example, there were blank election documents that were being brought into a hotel room so that the Comelec officials themselves could fill them in. Which is why there are complaints about the handwriting being the same. I saw that in Maguindanao. I saw that in Lanao.

At some point, there’s a switch from the actual ballots or ERs with the manufactured ones. Let’s say the switch happened between the munisipyo and the province—by the time it gets to the province it’s already moot at that point. Everyone from the other end already knows it is switched. The original documents disappear and get destroyed. A smooth operator would have different people doing it.

And, this happens almost always in the same places.

WHY?
Luzon is fairly honest because there are too many people watching there. And urban areas like Cebu and Davao as well for the same reason. What you can do now is they go to the smaller but less scrutinized areas. You have to go to the places where there are fewer people, less scrutiny…Like ARMM. Or maybe in remote places up North, where nobody even bothers to question. Hopefully if you get enough of that, it adds up to something to take you to the top.

IN CASE OF EMERGENCIES, CAN YOU STILL DO SOMETHING AFTER ALL THAT?
Yes, I’ve heard about the case of two senatorial candidates. This is what I heard happened: Both had apparently done what they had to do and both were expecting to win. Then, there was a failure of elections and there was a recount and all that. One of them—the one who was actually ahead in votes—had gotten word that the Palace was going with the other guy. If I recall correctly, he calls them up and says that he was gonna blow the lid off on all the cheating if they intervened. With all things being equal, he points out that, “It really was a fair election because we both did the same thing. All of us did. So fair and square whoever wins. I know I will be proclaimed unless you intervene.”

SO DOES ALL OF THIS REALLY WORK?
I’m not the expert but that’s what I’ve been told. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo started going up in the surveys one year before the elections. It was a gradual climb so it seemed plausible. If you remember correctly, it was not until the ‘Hello Garci’ tapes that everybody raised those questions again. The opposition had been howling since day one but the public as a whole pretty much accepted it because it was plausible. (Apart from the fact that people were afraid that FPJ really did win.) The point is, before that scandal, people accepted, grumblingly or not, the result of the election.

CAN’T YOU WIN WITHOUT ALL THIS?
The person whose election has never been questioned was Erap Estrada’s—because he had such a freakin’ wide margin. Nobody could have accused him of cheating. He was really accepted as popular. His victory was so wide that even if De Venecia tried to cheat, it wouldn’t be enough. Cheating has its limits. In a very tight race, that would put you through. But in a case where you have a landslide winner, you can’t.

Originally published in UNO June 2009 issue

Legendary Women Of Porn

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Originally published in UNO June 2008 issue

UNO was there: Manila gets Juicy!

Juicy Couture opened its new boutique in Greenbelt 5. In celebration of the store opening, Stores Specialists, Inc. hosted a Miami-themed party complete with neon lights, white lounges and music. It was an evening of fun and glam, overflowing with juicy girly cocktails drinks from martinis to cosmopolitans sponsored by Ralph Wines and Spirits. Dancers grooved to the beat as DJ Alex Pain and Sanya Smith played party pumping music to fill the air.

The party also featured the Juicy Girls dressed in the latest Juicy Couture collection and made up by Nars, Laura Mercier and DIOR, the official make-up sponsors of the Juicy Couture launch party.

With interiors decked in pink and a pop of color everywhere, the new store features the latest line of fun and flirty women’s apparel, handbags, jewelry and other accessories.

Event photos by Francis Caturla