UNO Poker Night

This is BB Gandanghari’s Niece

Annicka Dolonius, niece of Robin Padilla and BB Gandanghari appears inside our May issue.

You also may have seen her with UNO editor Shawn Yao in Drip’s Bloodletting music video.

Starring Annicka Dolonius and Shawn Yao
Produced, written, directed and edited by Jason C. Tan
Co-Produced by Mads Adrias and Drip
Makeup by Yciar Castillo
Cinematography by Bernard Dacanay

Annicka Dolonius sings “Trouble” by Elvis Presley

UNO Magazine’s May issue (#UNOmay2010), out now in your local bookstore.

The Elections Issue with Annicka Dolonius

“In my country, everything has changed and nothing is different.”—Rio Gonzaga, The Dogeaters by Jessica Hagedorn

When we first heard about political unrest between Thailand’s “red shirt” protesters—supporters of ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra who was ousted in a bloodless military coup in 2006—and government forces that has led to some less-than-peaceful confrontations right smack dab in the heart of Bangkok, most of us Pinoys probably reacted the same way: a collective shrug of the shoulders. Sounds family naman e. We have been there, done that. And, at the rate that we’re going, we’re liable to do it again.

If the Thais think they’ve got it bad, tell them to visit the Philippines. We can show them the best of cultural landmarks and coup sites across Metro Manila because we’ve had revolutions—from bloodless to less than peaceful—up the wazoo.

After all, my generation have been (rather mute) witnesses to the game of political musical chairs that has been played since before we started sprouting pubic hair: the February 1986 EDSA revolution; the July 1986 Arturo Tolentino takeover of Manila Hotel, which set the gears turning in the mind of a 15-year-old Anthony Trillanes who told himself “I wanna take over a hotel someday. Maybe even two.”; the August 1987 Honasan-fueled insurrection; the bloody December 1989 return of the comeback; the January 2001 EDSA II revolution; the May 2001 EDSA III revolution (some sequels just don’t live up to the originals); the July 2003 Oakwood mutiny; the February 2006 State of Emergency, and the November 2007 Manila Pen mutiny. We’ve had more false alarms than a woman with an irregular menstrual cycle.

And if our Thai neighbors think their politics is more screwed than a two-dollar whore, well then wala yan sa lola ko. In this administration we have a pretty good cathouse. In this administration alone, we’ve had the “Hello Garci” scandal, the multimillion peso fertilizer scandal, the IMPSA bribery scandal, the “Jose Pidal” scandal, the jueteng scandal, the Northrail project scandal, the Venable contract scandal, the NBN-ZTE scandal, the bribery at Malacañang scandal, the extrajudicial killings scandal, the Eurogenerals scandal, the Maguindanao Massacre scandal, and the President running as a congresswoman (well, it isn’t a scandal, but it should be). There are more scandals in this administration than there are in a bootleg sex video DVD.

My generation is jaded with politics. And how can we not be jaded? I grew up in the Philippines of the ‘80s. We are the That’s Entertainment generation. We are the poster children for the jaded. We grew up against the backdrop of the Aquino assassination, the snap elections, the Mendiola massacre, the power outages, the Metro Manila Film Fest fiasco, and the showbiz career of Kris Aquino. We’ve survived an earthquake, the Mt. Pinatubo volcanic eruption, waist-deep floods, dengue outbreaks, three days of darkness, bird flu, and the showbiz career of Kris Aquino. Somedays, I feel like we’re trapped in a poorly written sitcom that is starring bad actors with poor makeup, in a show that is in a perpetual state of re-runs—with Kris Aquino.

And what’s the next piece of jade that we can add to our jewelry collection? The great circus slash production number slash talent variety show slash pissing contest that is the 2010 Presidential Elections.

Road diversions. Campaign overspending. Technical problems with election machines. Secret candidates. Illegal campaign contributions. Failure of elections. Fake psychiatric tests. Unreadable ballots. Midnight appointments. The wrong freaking ink. Partial manual count. Womanizing endorses. No elections. Party defections. Military takeover.

So, what else is new?

This election was touted to be the battle between good versus evil. But—depending on who you are talking to—it might be a battle between the lesser of two evils. For others, it could just be a Hobson’s choice. And for the rest: they just want someone who won’t screw up or who won’t screw us over.

But jaded as we are—as I am—I’m still getting indelible ink on my index finger on May 10 because I still have hope. But I’m not hoping for the best, mind you. I’m just hoping that whomever I vote for doesn’t screw us up, or screw us over—much. Hell, we’ve got to start someplace. Or else we’re back to That’s Entertainment.

Bloodletting